A Sarcastic Response to a Stupid Statement: You’re Too Pretty To Be A Scientist
What’s that? I am too pretty to be a scientist? And that’s a compliment? I guess since I’m so pretty I am too dumb to know that telling me I look too pretty to be a graduate student is supposed to be a compliment. I didn’t realize everyone knew that physical beauty is negatively correlated with intelligence, specifically in females. What’s that? You don’t know what a negative correlation is? Oh, you must be beautiful then.
I’m just so happy you informed me that I can’t be both pretty and smart. I was too busy obtaining a doctorate degree that I didn’t realize I wasn’t supposed to look nice while doing it. Oh, but I guess if you were trying to compliment me on my appearance you probably prefer I stay pretty and just become dumb so you don’t have to deal with me having both traits simultaneously.
You know who I blame for my confusion, my dad. He had the audacity to tell me I could grow up to be anything I wanted to be. He should have taught me that boys are intimidated by smart girls and I can’t fulfill my life’s purpose without a man. And then I went and dated a man who thought I was both smart and pretty. And he liked that. He must be a freak! Or maybe I should blame all the other women I work with? Here I was studying with them and thinking they were also beautiful.
Oh no, you are right, I shouldn’t be offended. You were complimenting me. Everyone knows telling a woman she is too beautiful to be smart is a testament to just how beautiful she is. I mean, you must have done so much research to see that the entire population is either one or the other and never both. What did you do? Watch The Big Bang Theory and see that Penny is the dumb bombshell and Amy is the frumpy genius and extrapolate from there? Brilliant method! I have so much to learn from you.
No, I won’t be able to get a drink with you. I need to go find all of the female graduate students who have ever been considered attractive and tell them that means we aren’t smart enough to finish our degrees. We have a lot of planning to do now that I know I’m too pretty to get a doctorate. But before I go, can I just ask you one question? If you should have a daughter, which characteristic do you hope she has? Intelligence or beauty? Since you have made it clear she can’t have both. If by some miracle she does have both she must be a rare gem. What type of guy will ever marry her knowing she has both qualities? If she was literate and beautiful, she’d be like Disney’s Belle, or Emma Watson, or Amal Clooney! Or The Big Bang Theory’s real life Mayim Bialik who has an actual PhD! Yup, definitely impossible for a female to be both smart and attractive.
Well, I’ll leave you to think about that why I go defy all expectations. I’ll live a life of both beauty and brains. I’ll get my hair bleached and photo bleach my cells! What a crazy life I live!